WRITER229, 60
Having been recently released back to the wild, the only pick-up line I can now think of is, "I'm heading to the store, could I get you some milk?" I'm a writer - journalism, books and checks. My main work is newspaper columnist. My three children won't friend me on Facebook because I'm "mad embarrassing." I play tennis and squash; like to windsurf, bike, ski and mix darks and lights - separating them is a plot by the detergent industry. I was one of five brothers, no sisters, so I’m still figuring out women. I believe ketchup is a vegetable and that if your mother cuts your sandwich square instead of diagonally she doesn't love you as much. I’m a strawberry-shortcake slut and think that when God made papayas, he brought his A-game. I'm afraid of roller coasters, horror movies and bathroom doors in people’s houses that don’t lock. I don't know how we got from "Oh Susanna" to "Big Booty Hoes." I'm 5'104;, weigh a buck-seventy, graduated from Middlebury with high honors in disciplinary probation, and if we're sharing a 5-piece shrimp cocktail, you'll have to fight me for the third. I like to escape to Martha's Vineyard and as for parenting skills, I'll match anyone at picking up wet towels off the floor.